


May 28th

by tinglingworld



Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Disordered Eating, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, referenced self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinglingworld/pseuds/tinglingworld
Summary: „Hmm, this is nice,“ Stella hummed contently, burying her nose in Dana’s hair while running her hands over her back.“It is,” Scully agreed, her lips brushing Stella’s skin where her head rested against her collarbone, and sending pleasant shivers down Stella’s back, “but I need to pee.”Stella chuckled but let her hands fall from Dana’s back so she could get up. Watching her push herself to her feet, Stella noticed the sudden distant look in her eyes a fraction of a second before Scully collapsed.
Relationships: Stella Gibson/Dana Scully
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	May 28th

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Wrong End of the Telescope](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827762) by [TabithaJean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabithaJean/pseuds/TabithaJean). 



> An Anon on tumblr asked "Can you write one where Stella pulls Scully back from the edge?". After reading TabithaJean's amazing Angst Exchange story, this is the scenario I came up with.

**May 28 th**

„Hmm, this is nice,“ Stella hummed contently, burying her nose in Dana’s hair while running her hands over her back.

They were lounging on the couch while an old episode of Voyager played on the TV. It was Friday, they’d both come home from work unexpectedly early and after a few last E-Mails and a trip to the grocery store, had gravitated towards the couch where they had been cuddled up for the past hour.

“It is,” Scully agreed, her lips brushing Stella’s skin where her head rested against her collarbone, and sending pleasant shivers down Stella’s back, “but I need to pee.”

Stella chuckled but let her hands fall from Dana’s back so she could get up. Watching her push herself to her feet, Stella noticed the sudden distant look in her eyes a fraction of a second before Scully collapsed.

“Dana!”

In any other situation Stella would’ve been embarrassed by the pitch of her scream but right now she didn’t care as she scrambled to kneel next to Scully. She hadn’t been fast enough to react and catch her and so she had fallen right between the sofa and the couch table, hitting an arm against the latter. Thankfully she opened her eyes as soon as Stella put her hands to her face, frantically stroking her cheeks. An unarticulated groan left her lips and the rush of relief after the adrenaline shock almost left Stella lightheaded herself.

“Dana, love, can you hear me?”

“Hmm. Yes, yes,” Scully mumbled in reply, bringing a hand up to rub at the top of her head, before trying to push herself to a seat.

“Wait, maybe you should keep laying down,” Stella cautioned, afraid to further aggravate any illness or injury. She’d never seen Dana collapse like that and frankly, she was worried sick.

“No, I’m okay. Help me sit up, please.”

Reluctantly Stella complied, grasping one of Dana’s hands and putting the other behind her back to help her to a seat, leaning back against the edge of the couch.

“What happened?” she asked, unable to keep the whirl of fear and worry out of her voice.

“I just got a little lightheaded. I’m fine, Stella, I promise. My elbow took most of the damage. Ouch.”

Stella watched her pat her right elbow and scrunch her face. She seemed okay enough, but Stella’s heart was still beating rapidly.

“I’ve never seen that happen to you before. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure. I’m a doctor, remember?”

Stella couldn’t help an exasperated huff.

“Yeah you are. You’re also the worst patient ever, so that doesn’t calm me the slightest.”

Stella ran her hand down Scully’s cheek, needing to touch her to convince herself she was indeed fine for now. She knew she wouldn’t win any argument about seeing a doctor, so she made sure to check her out herself as best as she could and trust her with her own assessment beyond that. Satisfied that she was going to be okay for the moment, Stella got to her feet.

“I’m gonna get you some water and maybe some toast.”

“I ate at the hospital,” Scully replied but Stella was already halfway to the kitchen.

When she returned to the living room with some buttered toast and a glass of water Scully was seated on the couch again. Stella sat down next to her and pushed the glass and plate into her hands.

“Drink. And eat. Please.”

Scully rolled her eyes at her but drank the water in long sips and nibbled at the slice of toast. When she put the plate on the table there was hardly a bite missing from it.

Stella eyed her cautiously.

“I’m not hungry. Thanks for the water though. I feel a lot better.”

Stella observed her closely. She did look better, although still a little pale and there was a fine sheen of sweat on her forehead as well. But it was the guarded look in her eyes that threw Stella off and made something inside her brain start tingling uncomfortably. She felt her detective senses come to life and she hated that they did concerning Dana, but she couldn’t shake the sudden distinct feeling that something was rather wrong. Her eyes slid over the nearly untouched toast and she remembered how she had put a similarly untouched slice of lemon cake back in the fridge earlier. Dana hadn’t had breakfast either since they’d left together in the morning and Stella had eaten in an untouched kitchen while Scully was in the shower. And thinking back on it, she must’ve skipped because Stella had heard the front door only minutes before Dana had crawled into bed next to her some time past midnight.

“Dana when did you last eat?”

The words came out slowly as Stella was still processing them, but when she saw Dana’s eyes immediately avoid hers she knew she was on the right track- and felt a sudden cold rush down her spine.

“We had cake earlier,” Scully replied formally.

“You hardly took two bites of that.”

“I told you, I ate at the hospital.” She still didn’t meet Stella’s eyes, instead deliberately picking invisible dust off her pants. She was so clearly avoiding her; Stella knew she’d hit the nail on the head and shivered at the implications.

Unable to continue watching Dana fidget in front of her, Stella took a deep breath to calm herself and grasped Scully’s hands in hers. They were cold and clammy, but she didn’t pull them away immediately.

“Can you tell me what’s going on?” she asked as softly as she could and was taken aback with the sudden force of Scully abruptly springing to her feet, glaring at her.

“Nothing’s going on! I’m fine Stella, didn’t you hear me? I just fainted, it’s not a big-“

This time Stella was fast enough; jumping up, she put an arm around Scully’s waist and steadied her, guiding her to sit back down on the couch before she entirely blacked out.

“Okay. You’re fine. I got the memo,” Stella stated, worry and frustration bleeding together into irritation. She ran her hand up from Scully’s waist to her face and brushed a strand of hair from her sweaty forehead. “No matter how fine you are though, I’m not letting you go anywhere until you’ve eaten that slice of toast and get your blood sugar up.”

Letting go of Dana’s face, Stella reached for the abandoned plate on the table and pushed it back into Dana’s hands.

For a moment it looked as if she was still going to protest but then her face fell and she picked up the bread, biting into it with an expression of pure misery. Stella’s irritation quickly morphed back into worry at witnessing those emotions play out on her girlfriend’s face at the simple act of eating a slice of buttered toast. Unsure what to do, but unable to do nothing, she reached out and ran a finger through a tangled strand of long red hair down Scully’s back.

Silence stretched between them as Scully chewed on the toast and Stella ran her fingers over her back so lightly she was barely touching. When the toast was gone and the plate put back on the table, Scully sighed heavily and Stella watched her shoulders slump in defeat. She was all the more surprised when she raised her head and hesitantly met her eyes a moment later.

“Can you get me another glass of water? And maybe also some coke?”

Stella tried her best to convey calmness and keep it together, while her heart was melting with relief.

“Sure.”

Returning to the kitchen she quickly refilled the glass in the sink before going through the lowest shelf in the pantry where they kept a few bottles of rarely drunk soda. Carrying both back over to the couch, her chest gave a painful pang when she saw how Dana had folded herself into the very edge of the cushions, looking like she was trying her hardest to disappear into them completely.

She did unravel a little though when Stella handed her first the coke and after she’d taken a few sips of that, the water.

“I’m sorry,” she then whispered, her gaze lost in the half-emptied glass that she was clasping tightly.

“It’s okay,” Stella immediately replied.

“I scared you.”

Stella took an audible breath and released it before answering,

“Well, yeah you did. You do. But it’s okay. Something’s clearly going on.”

Scully only nodded silently, continuing to stare into her water. After a couple of moments of silence, she let out a dry laugh.

“I still have to pee.”

Stella snorted, feeling a lot of the tension between them break.

“Are you okay to get up?” Despite the situation having diffused she was still worried about Dana’s physical condition and really didn’t want her to faint again.

“Maybe. I think so.”

Stella got up and held out her hands to Scully, letting her pull herself up and immediately circling an arm around her waist. She watched her face carefully as she took a couple of deep breaths before she nodded slightly.

“I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

When she met her gaze this time, Stella could see she was telling the truth. There was still a lot going on behind the beautiful blue of Dana’s eyes, but they were focused and alert and Stella was reassured enough to let go of her waist and watch her step around the couch table and disappear down the hallway towards the bathroom.

She allowed herself to sink back down heavily on the couch and ran her hands through her hair. She’d been right. Something was happening with Dana, something that’d led her to starve herself for at least the past day and a half in response. A coping mechanism that was just as, if not more destructive, as her own affliction for razor blades. She realized the irony in the fact that she still hadn’t exactly revealed that part of herself, though her scars told at least part of the story. There was more love and trust between them than Stella had ever thought herself capable of, but some things were still too much to be open about. Apparently the same was true for Dana. Stella knew she had lived through her share of trauma; she’d gathered bits and pieces of the stories over the two years they’d been together. This was apparently another one of these pieces.

She heard the bathroom door and looked up to watch Dana come back into the room and settle back down next to her. She pulled her feet up underneath herself and didn’t meet Stella’s eyes, but after a moment of silence, reached out for her hand. Stella clasped it tightly and intertwined their fingers.

“I’m sorry,” Scully began quietly, “I am. It’s stupid, not eating. I know. But it- it helps.”

Hesitantly, she lifted her head and met Stella’s eyes. They were brimming with tears and there was so much sadness in them, Stella felt tears of her own well up.

“What does it help with?” she dared to ask, rubbing soothing circles into the back of Dana’s hand. She could see her expression falter, pain crossing her features at the memory and she guessed that for a long time her first instinct had been to swallow it down. Stella observed as she fought a battle with herself, deciding whether to continue talking and reliving whatever upsetting memory had pushed her to this point or burying it deep once more. She waited patiently, willing to accept whatever decision Dana made, knowing that acceptance was always more important than misguided confessions.

What she didn’t expect was Dana literally breaking down with a heart-wrenching sob. Stella was so taken aback, that it took her a moment to remember how to move her own body.

“Dana,” she whispered, helplessly touching her back where she had collapsed in a ball on the sofa cushions. Stella had never heard someone cry like that but would never be able to forget the sounds that she could feel breaking her heart into a thousand pieces. She tasted salt and realized she was crying herself. Brushing once over her own face, she wrapped her hands gently around Scully’s shoulders and pulled her into her lap. Unable to come up with any comforting words for a pain this absolute, she quietly ran her hands through Scully’s hair and over her back, holding her while she cried from what seemed the very depths of her soul.

Sitting like that, Stella lost all track of time. She simply kept up the gentle motions through Scully’s hair, brushing at the moisture on her own face every once in a while, until eventually the sobs dissipated, the tears dried up and she heard the slightest whisper.

“It’s his birthday tomorrow.”

Scully pushed herself up from the warm embrace of Stella’s body and running her hands fruitlessly over her face, searched her eyes. Their gaze locked and understanding slowly settled in for Stella as Scully kept talking.

“William. My son. He’d be 10 years old. Will be. Hopefully. I don’t know. I-“ she paused, breathing deeply past a quivering chin, “I gave him away.”

It was like a missing puzzle piece falling into place and Stella, now seeing the whole picture, felt herself shiver. She had never heard this part of Dana’s story in as many words- only as strained one word gasps after early morning nightmares.

“He was born May 28th “, Scully continued, “and he was my little miracle. And I loved him; I loved him so much-“

Her voice broke. Her eyes fell to her lap as she drew in shaky breaths. Stella quickly reached for her hands again. Holding them gently, rubbing warmth into them she hoped it was enough to let her know she was there however way she needed her.

“There were people after him,” she eventually whispered, “It wasn’t safe. Mulder was- he was gone and he had been dead and- I knew all the things they could do because they did them all to me and I- I didn’t want to, but I had to! I had to give him away; I had to give him a chance. I gave him up for adoption. But I didn’t want to, Stella, I never wanted to!”

Stormy blue eyes met Stella’s again, pleading for forgiveness, for understanding, for absolution.

Witnessing this kind of despair in Dana’s eyes felt like someone was slicing Stella’s chest open, extracting all of her organs one by one. Stella didn’t know what do to with that feeling, what to reply to this nightmare scenario. She wasn’t a mother, but she didn’t need to be one to understand that losing one’s child would leave wounds that could never heal over. She was witnessing Dana’s now and with all the love she’d allowed herself to have for her, it very much felt like she might be receiving some like that of her own now.

Helplessly, she reached out and placed a palm against Dana’s tear-streaked cheek, praying to every God willing to listen to let her help carry some of that pain.

“I had no other option,” Dana breathed, leaning her face into Stella’s caress, “I gave him away. But really they took him from me. They didn’t get him, but in a way they took him anyway,” she drew in another shaky breath, attempting to steady her voice, “so whenever this date comes around, I-” she tapered off, her eyes falling close.

“You don’t eat,” Stella finished and Scully nodded, not making eye contact but also not drawing away from her touch.

“Because it’s something you can control” Stella spoke softly, and it was only half a question. Scully’s eyes however flew open, locking on Stella’s instantly and Stella had never witnessed this much vulnerability. It was exhilarating and heart-breaking at the same time and she at once wished there’d never been a reason for this moment to pass between them as Dana slowly nodded again.

Stella gently stroked her thumb over her reddened cheek, as Scully slowly breathed:

“It’s so easy. At least for a couple of days. Skipping meals when others are eating; it’s- it’s something no one but me controls. Can ever control.” She let out a long breath, her face falling, “I’ve never before fainted.”

Stella felt her blood run cold at the words. She understood it. She’d been there. Not eating or cutting your own skin- it was the same demon with a different name. But she’d never been on this side of it. Watching Scully punish herself for things completely beyond her control, punish herself exactly to get back that control- it very nearly left her choking on more tears of her own as a self-reflection she didn’t care for crept in. Stella shook it off decisively, returning her focus to Dana, whose eyes had fallen closed again. She brought her other hand to her face as well.

“I’m so sorry, Dana, I’m so sorry this has been done to you.”

“I’m sorry I scared you!” Scully hiccupped, “I didn’t think I’d faint. I didn’t- I don’t know what I was planning. I’ve never been with someone when this date came around. Not my family, not Mulder.”

Stella briefly thought back to this time last year and vaguely remembered some conference Scully had attended that could’ve fallen around the 28th.

“I actually thought maybe with you-” Scully breathed, “maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to- but I did, and I scared you, I’m sorry.”

“Dana, I couldn’t care less about that,” Stella tried to put as much convincing into her voice as she could, “Don’t worry about scaring me while you’re suffering. All I care about is that you’re okay. And you’re clearly not.”

She could see new tears forming in her lover’s eyes.

“Dana, what do you need?”

Her lower lip was quivering as she tried to fight the tears even though they were already falling.

“Kiss me,” she whispered almost voicelessly.

Stella nodded and brushed gently over wet cheeks before leaning in and softly pressing her lips to Dana’s. The kiss tasted salty from their combined tears, but it didn’t matter. She felt Dana’s hands come up to her waist and when the kiss broke, she buried herself into her neck while Stella pulled her into a tight embrace.

“I don’t have an eating disorder,” Stella heard muffled against her skin, “I don’t care about my weight.”

“I know,” she replied, nuzzling red hair, her heart clenching painfully.

“Every other week of the year I’m fine,” Scully continued anyway, voice quiet but almost frantic.

“I know, love,” Stella repeated, “It helps you cope. It’s a bad way but it does the job. I know.”

There was a moment of silence, and when Scully spoke again it was more clearly and a little more composed.

“Your scars?”

Stella hated it, but she felt the old familiar flash of anger soar up at their mention. But this was Dana, she could never be angry at Dana for bringing them up. She’d never done so once since she’d asked her not to on their very first night together. And this was all different anyway. So Stella swallowed heavily and held her a little tighter and nodded.

“Yeah.”

She felt Dana’s grip on her tightening as well.

“They’re old though.”

“They are,” she confirmed.

“How did you stop?”

As much as she wasn’t ready to talk about it, the desperate hint in Dana’s voice made Stella continue.

“Some rather half-assed attempt at therapy. Also I don’t exactly swim just for leisure.”

She felt Dana’s breath puff against her skin as she nuzzled closer again.

“Maybe I should start swimming too,” she whispered.

Stella let out the breath she’d been holding.

“Or you could try to half-ass therapy too.”

That earned her a weak snort, followed by a deep sigh and Dana melting into her arms even deeper. It comforted Stella more than any actual reply ever could have because it she had learned it meant Dana was actually thinking about what she said without wanting to admit it out loud.

They sat together like that for a few long moments, both finding comfort in the others warm weight in their arms.

“Can I tell you about him?” Scully eventually breathed almost silently.

“Yes. Of course,” Stella replied, bringing a hand up to run down Scully’s hair.

“I might cry again. But- I never talk about him.”

“I would love to hear about him.”

Scully pulled back and searched Stella’s eyes.

“Can we do it after dinner?”

Stella couldn’t help the small smile that came out as her brain computed the request and flooded her system with relief.

“Sure we can. And there’s still cake left, too.”

Scully’s lips curled the tiniest bit but more importantly the storm in her eyes had calmed. Stella knew from own experience that it probably wasn’t meant to last. Moments of calm never had when things had been darkest for her, but she had also been alone through them all and Dana wasn’t. Stella wouldn’t let her be. So maybe she stood better chances. Maybe together they both did.


End file.
